I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
