Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
