Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
