I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
