so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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