I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
