She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
