The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
that may or may not have been my penis.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
