I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up under a house in Key West
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