i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
