We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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