In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
