We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
