I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
