we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
