If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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