Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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