I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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