Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
