i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
