You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
