I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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