honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize