tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
