If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
