Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
