In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
