my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
