and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
