I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
