Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!

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(517): View more from Michigan

I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors

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(913): View more from Kansas

The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.

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(602): View more from Arizona

Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.

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(650): View more from California

Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)

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(989): View more from Michigan

Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.

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(661): View more from California

Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?

(909): View more from California

You bit me

(661): View more from California

Oh lord I need to hear this story

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