That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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