I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
