I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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