wat bout pragnant strippers??
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
