If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
