she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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