highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
