Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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