why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
