Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
