I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize