i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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