Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
