I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
