I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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