All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
