I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I forgot wine drunk hurts
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
