is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She is in my trunk
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
bring money and cleavage
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
