in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
