if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
