So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
