hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
