For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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