apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the condom got lost in my hair
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
