I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
