I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize