who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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