The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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