Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
