this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
