on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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