Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
