That's when you crack a 10am beer
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
