There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
