literally had 100 drinks last night.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
sex in a hospital.. check
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
